Looking Back
by kimmerkay
Summary: Another one of those Outsiders with a sister stories (I know, I know - some of you think it's overdone), but this one has a twist. How the guys deal with what happens to Johnny and Dally, but even more changes in store when things start to settle down.
1. Chapter 1

Looking Back  
  
A/N - This is my first attempt at putting fanfic out for other people to read. The majority of my story was written over 15 years ago when I was in junior high and first discovered the Outsiders. I always wanted the Curtis brothers to have a sister (at first, I think that was just because what teenage girl did not want to be in the middle of a hug between Rob Lowe, Patrick Swayze, and C. Thomas Howell). To me, it became much more than that. I have added to it over the years, and after getting hooked on this website, I have decided to try my story. It starts out with mainly familiar territory for all the Outsiders fans, but eventually goes beyond the story you are accustomed to.  
  
Disclaimer - Of course, the majority of these characters, and this story belongs to the fabulous S.E. Hinton. My sincere respect goes out to her.  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Ponyboy's P.O.V.  
  
My name is Ponyboy Curtis. Of course, you probably already know that. Most people anywhere near Tulsa, Oklahoma have heard my story. It's been all over - TV news, newspapers, and worst of all, gossip that has run rampant. The fact is, it's not really my story - it's my family's story. And I want to make sure everyone knows the truth about our story. So, here it is, told by me and my family.  
  
I guess the best place to start would be the day I got jumped walking home from the movies. Not one of my favorite days, but not all that bad considering the weeks and months to come. Then again, I didn't know that at the time.  
  
I had been at the latest Paul Newman movie (he's one of my favorite actors - tough and cool). I had gone by myself, because that's how I enjoy movies the most - alone, with no one bothering me. That way I can really experience the movie, and not worry about the person next to me liking it, or not liking, or asking me questions. I walked home by myself, not even thinking about calling one of my brothers or one of the gang for a ride. I often don't think in the most sensible way, plus, I was too busy thinking about the movie.  
  
I soon found that I was being trailed by a red Corvair full of Socs. Looking around, I could tell that I probably could not run for it, but decided to speed up a bit, since I was within a few blocks of home. It didn't help, though. They were out of their car and had me surrounded before I knew it. They pinned me down in no time and the one on my chest slugged me several times. I was smarting all over, and struggled to get free. One of them pulled a knife and muttered something about a haircut. I've been in many fights in my life, and even though I'm kind of small for my age, I can usually fight pretty good. But not when the odds are 5 to 1. And especially not when knives are pulled. I panicked and began yelling for my brothers. That got me slugged several more times, and one of them began stuffing a handkerchief in my mouth to shut me up.  
  
The one on top of me got me with a hard swing to my nose, which knocked me senseless for a minute or two. Next thing I know, the guy on top of me jumps up, I get kicked in the side, and they all run. I heard shouts and more pounding feet, but it sounded far away. My ears were ringing, and I tried opening my eyes. Everything was spinning, and I decided opening my eyes was not such a good idea. Suddenly I was hauled up to my feet and being shaken. That sure didn't help the spinning. I recognized my oldest brother Darry's voice, but for some reason, couldn't make out what he was saying. He shook me again and my mind snapped to attention.  
  
"Are you okay, Ponyboy?"  
  
Then I heard another voice. "Darry, quit shakin' him. He's gonna puke." The shaking stopped.  
  
The second voice belonged to my older sister, Stephi. I opened my eyes slowly, and after I got used to the spinning, I saw her standing next to Darry, who still had a tight grip on my arms, which was good, cuz I felt like I could fall over at any point.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said. Wow, I thought to myself - he really looks like Dad. They both had the same broad shoulders, dark-brown hair, and squared-off chin. His eyes were the only thing that set him apart from Dad - cool and distant. Darry's handsome, in a rugged sort of way.  
  
Stephi reached over and cupped her hands around my face. "Pony, baby, are you okay?"  
  
I started to say that I'd be okay, but when I opened my mouth, a lump swelled in my throat and I thought I would start bawling. I shut my mouth, nodded, and shrugged Darry's hands off my arms. I sat down against the fence behind us and held my head in my hands. Stephi dropped down beside me and put an arm around my shoulder, pulling me in close.  
  
Stephi is a beautiful person, both inside and out. She cares about everyone - she's always been a mother hen, but even more so after Mom and Dad died. Stephi is impressionable, she feels things very deeply and it takes her longer to deal with things than it does anyone else (especially Soda, my second oldest brother - he just lets things roll right off his shoulders). You wouldn't know it by looking at her, she hides it well. Stephi has a beautiful smile (she got that from Mom) - full lips and almost perfect teeth. One on the bottom grew in a little crooked. Mom always wanted to get it fixed, but Dad said it gave her character and was part of her beauty. She always has that smile on her face, no matter what she is feeling inside. She wants to make everybody happy.  
  
Stephi has long, curly, dark-golden hair and blue-green eyes. She and Soda look a lot alike (except for the eye color) and are very close. Closer than anyone else in the family. She was born only 10 months after Soda, and they have shared everything. Soda is her best friend. I know it sounds strange, but I think some times they can read each other's minds. Darry, however, is her protector. Darry was always who she would go to if she was scared. She knew that he would never let anything happen to her. Of course, everyone in the gang would do anything for her. Stephi takes care of us and the rest of the gang - she's everyone's little sister and we are all a little protective of her, especially Darry. Stephi had a real hard time with Mom and Dad's death and wasn't herself for several months. Darry got extremely protective - he didn't want anything bad to happen to her again - not as long as he could help it. She was finally coming back to herself and putting everything behind her. Even though Darry made her feel safe, she felt it was beginning to be a little too much.  
  
"They didn't hurt you too bad, did they?" Darry asked.  
  
"Nah," I said, wiping at my eyes and willing the tears not to come. I couldn't let Darry see me cry. Just then we were distracted by the sound of Sodapop coming back toward us. The rest of the gang was still off, heaving rocks as the Socs retreated in their car. 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N - Please bear with me. There's a lot of the familiar story to get through, but it's vital to setting up the family for the aftermath.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Soda's P.O.V.  
  
I hated those dirty rotten Socs. Why do they have to go around hurtin' little kids? I know Pony's not a little kid anymore, but I can't help but think of him that way. He'll always be my baby brother, even though he's gonna be taller than me soon.  
  
After chasing, but not catching the bastards, I headed back to Pony, Darry, and Steph to see what happened. Pony looked pretty shaken. He was pale and shaky, and I could tell he was trying not to cry. He's pretty tough when he wants to be. As I dropped down beside him, I noticed he had a cut on his neck that was bleeding.  
  
"You got cut up a little, huh, Ponyboy?"  
  
I don't think he had noticed it. I pulled out a handkerchief and held it up to his head to stop the bleeding. When I showed him the blood, he got a little bit paler than he already was. He was really fighting back the tears now. I looked over to Steph and noticed that even she was a little shaky. "Easy guys - they're gone. No one's gonna get hurt anymore."  
  
I wondered why it had spooked Pony so much. Yeah, getting' jumped ain't no picnic, but he's never one to back down easily. He doesn't go looking for fights, but he's scrappy. I do think he wouldn't ever fight if he could help it, though.  
  
Pony's quite the dreamer. I can't tell you how many times a day I find him lost in his thoughts. Either that or he has his nose stuck in a book. I don't know how he can stand to do that much reading. That would bore me to death. He's sure different from the rest of our gang. Pony has a chance to make it in this world. He's brainy and sometimes I think he really likes school. I still haven't figured that one out. Being a greaser really bugs him. He doesn't want to live in this neighborhood forever. I think he'll get out as soon as he finishes school. Hopefully, he'll go on to college. I know that would make Darry prouder than a peacock. Personally, I kinda like our neighborhood and I'm proud to be a greaser.  
  
The rest of the gang came running back to the four of us. Dally, Two-Bit, Johnny, and my best friend - Steve. They all sat down with us and Dally pulled out a cigarette to pass around. I noticed that Johnny had taken the spot next to Stephi. Johnny was the gang's pet, everyone's kid brother. He and Stephi had started seeing each other a few months ago, and maybe that's partly why - she's the pet too. Ever since Stephi had helped take care of him after he got beat by the Socs, they had begun to see each other in a new light. Of course, both claimed it was nothing serious, but I could see otherwise. Darry, Pony, and I were not real happy about it at first, but I convinced them that dating Johnny was much better than dating some guy we didn't know so well, some guy that wouldn't treat her right. Darry still wasn't sure about their relationship. He didn't let them have much time alone - if they wanted to go to a movie, somehow he always got Pony to go with, or Two-Bit to drive them or something. Stephi was pretty open with me about her feelings for Johnny, although she threatened me with months of her dish duties if I even breathed one word about it to Darry.  
  
Darry started picking on Ponyboy about walking home from the movie alone. I just can't stand it when he does that. He just so wants Pony to succeed, that he pushes and pushes and usually ends up pushing too far. Ponyboy doesn't see this - he just sees Darry picking on him and no one else. "Leave my kid brother alone, you hear. So he likes to go to the movies - it ain't his fault the Socs like to jump us. Carrying a blade just would have gotten him cut up even worse. And, didn't you tell him that you'd skin him if you did catch him carrying a blade to school? He went to the movie straight from school."  
  
That got Darry to lay off. The guys started discussing plans for the next night. I had a double date with Sandy and Steve and his girlfriend, Evie, lined up. Boy, that Sandy - what a girl. I was truly happy with her. I had been dating Sandy for about a year. She stuck with me through Mom and Dad's death and the aftershock without ever batting an eye. I was planning on marrying her someday. I was also planning on telling her that tomorrow night. I was a little bit nervous about it, but I was also sure that she felt the same way.  
  
Pony asked if he and Stephi could go to the Nightly Double with Dally that night. "I don't know," Darry said, looking at the two of them. "After what happened today."  
  
"Come on Darry, it's not a school night, and you and Soda won't be home anyway," Stephi pleaded.  
  
"Yeah, I guess so."  
  
Later that same night.  
  
I put Darry to sleep giving him a backrub. He needed it. He had been working some extra shifts lately, and wasn't getting enough sleep. I was sleepy myself, and decided to go to bed. Pony was still doing homework, so I hollered over to him to hurry up and shut the light off.  
  
I took a peek in Stephi's room before going to our room. She was sleeping peacefully now, but she had had a rough evening. She was kind of shaken up about Pony being jumped, then she got into a big fight with Darry - that rarely happens. Darry had been chewing Ponyboy out for getting jumped. She overheard and tried to get Darry to understand that it wasn't his fault that he got jumped. He kept harping on Ponyboy, and Stephi finally went off on Darry for just about everything she could think of - always yelling at Pony, not letting her do anything, and treating her like a china doll that would break at any time. Then she ran into her bedroom and slammed the door. I heard her crying in there and tried to talk to her. She told me that she just wanted to be alone for a while. She must have cried herself to sleep, because the next time I went in there, she was already out.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Ponyboy's P.O.V. - the next day  
  
It was a beautiful fall Saturday afternoon. The air was crisp and clear. The trees had just begun to turn brilliant shades of red, orange, yellow, and purple. Stephi, Johnny and I were hanging out on the front porch, jawin' about anything we could think of. The three of us felt comfortable together; it was about the only time Johnny and I spoke up much in front of anyone else. We were having a good time, and almost forgot that we were meeting the gang at the football game that afternoon.  
  
We started walking towards the high school football field, laughing, horsing around, and having a good time, when Johnny decided Stephi should ride on his shoulders. Johnny bent over and Stephi climbed on, laughing the whole time. I took one look at the two of them, and had to laugh in spite of myself. "You know Johnny, you better put her down before Darry sees you. No telling what he'll do to you if he catches her up there."  
  
"Oh Pony," Stephi exclaimed. "Come over here."  
  
I walked up just in front of them. "What?"  
  
She just laughed, leaned over, and gave me a kiss on the top of my head. She kissed the top of Johnny's head, too. "Darry has no right to tell me that I can or cannot ride on Johnny's shoulders. He is smothering me lately, and I really don't care what he would say right now." She paused, then pointed, "Hey, look. It's Soda and Steve."  
  
We were in front of the school by now. Steve and Soda had gone over earlier, to play touch football with some friends of theirs on the empty lot next to the school. Their game had just broken up, and most of the guys were headed over to the high school game, which was about to start. Soda and Steve had seen us coming; they waited by the gate for us.  
  
"Hey y'all," Stephi said. "Who won the game?"  
  
A very haggard-looking Steve smiled, "We did. Steph, what are you doing up there?"  
  
"Why walk when you can ride?" she laughed. "We're just goofin' around."  
  
"You know," Soda replied, "Darry will put a hole in your head if you drop her, Johnny."  
  
"Yeah," he said. "Pony said something too."  
  
"Big whoop-de-dang-doo," Stephi said. "Darry just needs to calm his little old self down a couple of notches."  
  
Everyone laughed, but Soda and I gave each other a knowing look. We all headed over to the bleachers to meet the rest of the gang, and found Darry standing by the steps, talking to an old friend from high school. He glanced over, saw Stephi, and immediately glared and began, "Johnny Cade, put her down this instant."  
  
"Aw, Darry," Stephi began, but he cut her off, walking around behind her and helping her down.  
  
"Put her down."  
  
"Darry, you're no fun," she pouted. "We were just playing around."  
  
"That's exactly how someone gets hurt," he retorted.  
  
Stephi just scowled at him, grabbed Johnny's hand, and pulled him away, towards the bleachers. We all followed, exchanging glances, but with no one saying anything. We watched the game, and had a great time, although Stephi ignored Darry for the rest of the afternoon.  
  
A/N - Thanks to all reviewers. Hopefully I didn't miss any of you, and if I did - I'm sorry!  
  
Anonymous 1st reviewer - Yup, they have been totally overdone to death. Call it writer's block. After reading stories on this website for months on end (my puppy will testify to that) - I felt I had to share something back. This was easier because I wrote most of it years and years ago (way before the internet). The meat of my story happens after the familiar events of the book, and that's when Stephi loses it. The first several chapters just set her up for the eventual end. And yep - if you're going to read the next chapter, there is love. Pretty soon, he'll be out of the story, though, which, once again, is needed for future plot. I have to say; it was easier to make her the brunt of all my future plot twists, because she wasn't one of my beloved, original characters. I hope I didn't give anything away. Thanks for the first review.  
  
Pony's Girl - Thanks - that was very nice of you. I hope you like the rest of it!  
  
DallysGirl4Life - Me either. I like reading anything I can on this book. Thanks for the review.  
  
Archive - Thanks for the spelling/grammar comment. I tried - it makes it much easier to read this way. Any bad grammar hopefully just comes as part of the greaser's dialect. I did the Mary Sue test already - she was pretty borderline. Especially after the next chapter! But, as I said in the comment to Anonymous above - the background is needed for later story. I couldn't bear to "hurt" any of the "real" Curtis siblings. I hope you keep reading. Don't worry, though - no copulating for her (not all the way, anyway - LOL).  
  
Karlei - Thanks for the good review. I needed it today!  
  
Amy - Thanks! And you're right - it is kinda icky. I hadn't thought about it that way. I think I was at a loss for words (happens more than I care to admit). I must been thinking about botox that day (  
  
Summer - Thanks for the lovely review. You made my night. 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N - Okay - forgot the disclaimer last time, but then again, ya'll know that the story and most people in it belong to S.E. Hinton.  
  
Ponyboy's P.O.V.  
  
After the football game was over (we won), Soda, Steve, and the guys decided to start up another game in the lot by the high school. I wanted to play this time, but knew I would probably be the one voted into walking Stephi home. I was busy trying to come up with a reason for her to stay when Johnny said, "I don't much feel like playing today. Stephi, you want me to walk you home?"  
  
"Sure. I need to do some laundry," she answered. I thought I saw her wink at Johnny, but didn't put much thought into it. I was just glad I could stay and play football. I had all this energy to burn and was chomping at the bit for a good football game.  
  
We had enough guys to play six on six. Darry was on my team and I was glad about that. He played football throughout high school and I sure didn't want him hitting me. He was like a bulldozer on the field and didn't seem to care if it was his brother he was hitting or not.  
  
We had a rough game, but everyone was having fun. My team was up by 13 at half time. It was such a great day and I still felt so exhilarated, that I decided to run home and grab a few sodas to bring back. After running about two of the four blocks, though, I had to slow down to a jog. I really am going to have to lay off the cigarettes before track starts, I thought to myself. Thank goodness it's a few months away, though. I am a weed fiend and was, even at that point, wondering if I would have time for one after I got back with the sodas.  
  
When I came through the back door, I didn't even notice that the washing machine wasn't on. Looking back now, maybe that would have given me a clue as to what would happen next, but then again, maybe not. It was just a total surprise.  
  
I grabbed the last five sodas from the fridge and decided I had better get a bag to put them in to carry them. I walked over to the cabinet and pulled out a paper grocery bag and started filling it up. It was then that I happened to glance into the front room. There, on the couch, were Stephi and Johnny, making out. Both had their shirts off, in a pile on the floor beside the couch, although Stephi still had her bra on. They were lying down on the couch with Stephi on the bottom and their legs were intertwined. Stephi's hands were rubbing Johnny's chest and back. Johnny had one hand under Stephi, with his hand in her hair at the back of her head and the other caressing her breast. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, but I also couldn't look away. I knew I should. Johnny and Stephi had kind of been seeing each other, but I never thought of them kissing. I couldn't believe Johnny hadn't said anything to me. But then again, why would he? Stephi is my sister. It just seemed wrong to me.  
  
Just then, Johnny moved his head down to kiss Stephi's neck and she made a low moan. That broke me out of my trance and I suddenly dropped the last soda that hadn't made it into the bag yet. They both turned to look at me at the same time. Johnny sat straight up and Stephi grabbed her shirt off the floor and struggled to get it on. "Pony." she cried, but it was too late. I was out of there in a flash, leaving the bag of sodas on the floor. I ran hard all the way back to the high school and this time, I didn't even think about stopping to catch my breath.  
  
As I slowed to a stop by the guys, most of whom were lounging on the grass, Steve looked at me and asked, "Where's the sodas, dumbshit?"  
  
"Oh, um, I don't know," I answered, totally flustered by the question.  
  
"Ponyboy, you went home to get sodas. Where are they?" asked Darry.  
  
"I don't know. I guess I just forgot," I replied, and I could feel my face turning red. "Come on. Let's just play."  
  
Soda got up and was looking at me oddly, so I turned away and hurriedly grabbed the football. Then I dropped it. The rest of the game went like that - I couldn't hold on to the ball to save my life. Darry yelled at me throughout the game, but no matter what he said, I couldn't get the image of Stephi and Johnny out of my head. Don't get me wrong; I've seen guys and girls make out before. Some of the parties I've been to, people get so drunk and stoned that they don't care what they do in front of other people. Course that's usually the sleazy girls like Sylvia. Not my sister. And my best friend. Together. I really thought I should have been pissed off at Johnny, but I wasn't. I wasn't happy, but I wasn't pissed either.  
  
Anyway, we lost the game because of me. Darry was all over me, but I just shrugged him off. I sure didn't want to tell him what I saw. Darry would kick Johnny up one side of the street and down the other. I didn't want to tell Soda, either, so when he asked me if there was something wrong, I lied and said, "No."  
  
When we got home, Johnny was nowhere to be found. Stephi had a load of laundry in the machine, chili cooking on the stove, and had straightened up the front room. She had also put my sodas back in the fridge. She was in her room, reading a book. Soda walked in to our room to get clothes for after his shower and I followed. The door for her room is straight across from ours, and she glanced up to say hi when we walked by, but her eyes went right back to the book. She wouldn't even look at me. Darry beat Soda to the bathroom, so he horsed around with me for a minute before deciding to go watch TV. I followed again, because I didn't know what to say to Stephi, but not before I noticed that she had been reading the same page over and over.  
  
When Darry got out of the shower, he decided to run to the store for some crackers to go with our chili, and a few other things we needed. Soda got in the bathroom. He had a date that night with Sandy, so I know it'd be at least half an hour before I could get in there. I had some homework to do, but decided just to keep watching TV 'cuz I didn't want to face Stephi yet.  
  
About 15 minutes later, Stephi came in and sat on the other end of the couch from me. I watched her all the way, but she didn't look at me once. After a several minutes of staring blankly at the TV, she started, "Pony."  
  
She finally looked up at me. "Pony, please don't say anything to Darry. Please. I couldn't stand it if he knew. Just. you can't tell him. No telling what he'd do to Johnny. Johnny's scared to death he'll find out. You have to promise not to say anything. Please, promise me," she begged.  
  
"Okay, I promise, but, Stephi."  
  
Just then Darry walked in with the grocery bag in his arm. "Hey there Stephers. Watcha makin' Pony promise?"  
  
"Oh, just that he'll do the dishes for me tonight," she lied. I'd never seen her lie to Darry. Then again, maybe I had.  
  
She followed Darry to the kitchen to help him put away the groceries. After Soda got out of the shower, we sat down to dinner. Soda kept us all entertained with some tale about him and Steve at the bowling alley the night before. It's a good thing he was so chatty, 'cuz I didn't feel like talking. After dinner, Stephi reminded me I was going to do the dishes for her. Great, I thought, I still had to shower before we were supposed to meet Dally and Johnny for the movie.  
  
About forty-five minutes later, Stephi and I were ready to go. Soda had already left, but we had to get the standard lecture from Darry.  
  
"Okay, you two. I want you home by 11:00," he started.  
  
"Eleven?" I interrupted. "Darry, the movie gets out at 11:00. Come on."  
  
"All right - midnight and no later. But you go straight to the movies and that's it. Nowhere else. Pony, you don't let your sister out of your sight. After what happened this week, I want the two of you to stick together like glue. Okay?"  
  
"Whatever," I said.  
  
"Ponyboy, okay?" he came back.  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Stephi?"  
  
"Yes, Darry," she replied.  
  
We headed out to meet Johnny and Dally. We walked a block in silence, and I finally decided to talk to Stephi about Johnny. "Stephi, about you and Johnny."  
  
"Pony," she interrupted, "let's just have a good time tonight. We'll forget about this and talk about it tomorrow, okay? I just want to enjoy the night."  
  
"Well, okay, but Stephi."  
  
"Tomorrow. Look, there they are." Dally and Johnny were waiting for Stephi and me under the street light at the corner of Pickett and Sutton, and since we got there early, we had time to go over to the drugstore in the shopping center and goof around. Yeah, I know Darry said not to go anywhere else, but it wasn't the first time I broke one of his 'commandments' and I'm sure it won't be the last. Johnny didn't say anything to me and kept glancing at me from under his long bangs. No one seemed to notice, though, 'cuz he's pretty quiet anyway. I did see him whisper something to Stephi. He looked pretty relieved when she shook her head for no.  
  
Johnny's P.O.V.  
  
Good, I thought to myself, a little weight lifted off my shoulders. Pony hadn't said anything to Darry about finding me and Stephi on the couch. I knew that I would have to talk to him about Stephi, and I sure wasn't looking forward to that one.  
  
We left the drugstore after Dally lifted a few packs of Kools. Man, he was slick. He started telling Stephi a story as we crossed the street and I found myself walking next to Ponyboy. Well, here goes nothing.  
  
"Ponyboy, you, uh, you didn't say anything to Darry, did'ya?" I asked.  
  
"No."  
  
"Thanks, man. Pony, I want to talk to you about Stephi." Just then Dally called us up to him.  
  
"Later," Pony told me.  
  
We walked over to the Dingo and talked to several people hanging out there, but left when a fight broke out. Darry would kill all of us for being there if the cops showed. We snuck into the movie over the fence, then found some seats. The only people in the seats were two Socy girls sitting down front. Of course, Dally went right behind them and started in on them - talking dirty and trying to get Pony to play along. He just sat there and kept his mouth shut, looking a little embarrassed. I took Stephi with me to get some Cokes.  
  
When we got back, Dally was gone and Pony was chatting with the Soc girls. I was enjoying the movie and enjoying being there with Stephi, when Dally came back with Cokes for the girls.  
  
He started right in again on the redhead and I about fell out of my chair when she threw her Coke back in his face. He tried to put her arm around her just then, and I caught a glimpse of her face. I'm not sure if it was fear, contempt, hatred, or what it was - but something flashed in her eyes just then and I stood up.  
  
"Leave her alone, Dally."  
  
Did that just come from me? Nobody talks to Dally like that. Oh, what was I thinking? I wasn't thinking, but I knew that he was not treating her right and I didn't want to see him be like that. I respect Dally a lot. He's a tough old greaser, but he knows how to keep his cool in any situation. I've never seen him blow up and I've never seen him scared. I've seen him madder than hell, but he handles himself calmly and coolly. He makes everything seem easy. I hope I can be like that someday - calm and cool and never scared. I'm tired of being scared.  
  
"Huh?" he said, looking at me in disbelief. I took a deep breath and repeated myself. I wasn't scared that Dally would hit me or anything like that. I didn't think he'd do that. I just didn't want him to be mad at me. I would hate it if he were mad at me. It worked, though. Dally got up, tossing his chair over as he did, and stormed out of there. Stephi and Pony stared at me in disbelief. Oh man, I thought to myself, did I just do the right thing? The look of relief on the redhead's face let me know that I did.  
  
Pony about came unglued when they asked us to sit with them - he was grinning from ear to ear, no doubt planning the story he would tell about it later. I was game for helping him out - he seemed to really be getting along with the redhead (not like he really had a chance with a Soc, though) - and agreed to move up there. He and the redhead, Cherry, kept on their conversation, while her friend, Marcia, Stephi and I settled into our seats to watch the movie.  
  
Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder and heard a deep, curt voice - "Okay, greasers, you've had it."  
  
Oh shit. Not again. Not another Soc. I clenched the chair arm and Stephi's hand. Thoughts ran through my head - where is my blade? Can I really use it? Yeah, I've been carrying it since I got jumped months ago, but hadn't ever really thought that I would have to use it on somebody. Everything went white and all I could hear was that kind of static noise that you get when the TV stays on after the shows are over for the day. I couldn't breathe. Somehow, through it all, I heard Ponyboy say the name "Two-Bit." My eyes focused. It really was just Two-Bit. He was ruffling my hair and telling me sorry. I gasped and took a deep breath. The air rushed in like I hadn't taken a breath in days. I let go of the chair and eased up on Steph's hand. She squeezed back. I was gonna be okay. A few more deep breaths, and I was able to hear the conversation again. Two-Bit and Marcia were chatting it up and laughing and Two-Bit asked me some dumb question about camels or something.  
  
I smarted off to him about wisecrackin' greasers. I was kind of mad at him. I didn't like to be scared like that. He just grinned goofily at me. How can you stay mad at him?  
  
We ended up offering to take the girls home from the movies. Walking to Two-Bits's house to get his car, from the theater, however, proved to be interesting. The first time the blue Mustang went by, I thought to myself - I know that car. But then again, it can't be, can it? There has to be more than one blue Mustang in all of Tulsa. There has to be lots, right?  
  
But then they pulled up and got out. The first thing I noticed was the rings. I didn't even have to see his face. It was him. I looked up and caught his eye. Those same icy, hateful eyes. I looked around and realized that three others in the car had been there that day too. Not the dark-haired guy that was pleading with Marcia, though. My thoughts immediately went to my switchblade for the second time that night. This time I knew I could use it. Nobody was ever going to hurt me like that again. Nobody was going to hurt my friends like that, either.  
  
Two-Bit pushed Stephi back behind him, busted open a bottle and handed it to Pony, then pulled his switch from his pocket and flipped it open. I was frozen. All I could think about was pulling my blade, but I couldn't move. Then it happened again - everything was white and the noise was back. That was what happened when my dad would hit me. I was able to drown out his voice that way. I wasn't able to feel the blows if I had the noise and the whiteness. It was like it wasn't really me there, getting beat up. Before I knew it, the world flashed back at me and Cherry was climbing into the car with the guys and they were leaving.  
  
We walked home in silence. I was glad, because I didn't think I could talk if I tried. My ears still had a slight buzzing noise in the background and my heart continued to pound. I had hoped I would never see those guys again in my life. I didn't know now what would happen if I did see them again. I had my chance to pull my blade on them and get revenge, and I couldn't move. What would happen if I was confronted again? Would I be able to protect myself? To protect my friends?  
  
We got to the park and Pony and I decided to stay and have a smoke before going on home. Two-Bit was headed off to play find a poker game and some more booze. "Come on gorgeous (Two-Bit's pet name for most blondes), I'll walk you home," he said, holding out an arm to Stephi. "See ya'll tomorrow."  
  
Stephi said goodbye and left with Two-Bit, laughing at some secret he shared with her. Pony and I sat at the park for a few more minutes, then walked on to the vacant lot, where we stretched out on our backs and looked at the stars. Pony was quiet, but I thought I knew what he was thinking about - Cherry.  
  
"It's because we're greasers. We could have hurt her reputation." I've seen it all my life. Being looked down upon and treated like dirt just because we had no money and we lived on the wrong side of town. It's not fair. It's not fair that we have little to no chance in life. It's not fair that they have more money than they know what to do with it. And while I'm at it - it's not fair that my parent's hate me.  
  
Thinking about my parent's made my head hurt. I couldn't wait to get out of that house. Lately, it was all I could think of. I planned day and night. I knew I had to save up some more money. I was sure I would have to drop out of school. I had to tiptoe around my own house. I tried my best to be quiet and stay in the background. I didn't know from one day to another what it would be that would set them off, so I tried to stay away. It didn't really matter, though. It seemed I could do nothing right. My mom never hit me, but also never had a kind word for me. I can't even remember the last time she said something to me that wasn't a put down or a command. It must have been before she started drinking. My dad just usually paid no attention to me. Most days, I could do jumping jacks right in front of his face, and he wouldn't notice. But then again, the one day I would be sitting at the kitchen table, eating a sandwich and not making a single sound, he would come storming in and belt me upside the head for no reason at all. At least for no reason that I could see. He was always ranting on about something, but I had gotten good at tuning him out.  
  
The more I thought about my parents, the madder I got. I couldn't take living there for much longer. I had only spoken to Ponyboy about my parents once - about 4 years ago. I never told anyone about what I lived through at my house. I think most everyone knew how bad it was, but it was just an unspoken reality. No one could do anything about it anyway. I decided to say something to Pony. I knew he could keep a secret.  
  
"I can't take much more. I'll kill myself or something."  
  
Pony sat up and stared at me. I don't think he realized how bad it was for me. He pleaded with me not to do that. I knew that wasn't the right option, but sometimes it felt like the only way out of here. The only way to get away from my parents. The only way to get away from Socs. The only way .  
  
I must have dozed off listening to Pony rattle on about the country. Boy, I sure did want to go there someday. The country was a place I could get away from everything that haunted me. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. It was quiet. Pony had stopped talking. I looked over at him and noticed that he was asleep, too. Oh man, Darry is probably pissed off right now. He keeps a tight leash on Pony. I didn't have a watch on, but I knew it had to be late, much later than Pony's curfew. I woke him up and told him he needed to go home. Gosh, he looked a little scared at the thought of it.  
  
I decided to stay. Not that anyone cared. I knew that if I came home now and woke somebody up, I'd catch it. If I just waited 'til tomorrow morning, it would be better. I had learned that from experience. I was glad to hear Pony offer up his house, but thought I'd save that for a last resort. I already felt like I owed the Curtis' so much. I felt bad mooching off them all the time. I just never wanted to wear out my welcome there. I knew in my heart that that would never happen, but I still felt bad about it.  
  
Karlei - Thanks once again. I am so glad there are people that like it and are reading it.  
  
DallysGirl4Life - I do too, but unfortunately, we all know where this is going. Poor, poor Johnny. Thanks for reading.  
  
Pony's Girl - Thanks much for the encouragement. Glad you're liking it.  
  
Summer - That was lovely - thank you. I'm glad you like it and I'm not too concerned about those that don't, either. I'm sure it's not for everyone, but (thankfully for me) some people like it. Keep reading.  
  
TwoBitGortez - Thanks for the nice review. I'm glad you enjoyed it, because I've enjoyed your stories! 


	4. Chapter 4

A/N - Same disclaimer - not me that wrote The Outsiders, but S.E. Hinton.  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Darry's P.O.V.  
  
I glanced at the clock again for probably the tenth time in less than 5 minutes. It was just after 2:00 a.m. I'd been watching the clock for over two hours now. I was furious. I couldn't believe that Pony was not home yet. What in the hell was he doing?  
  
Two-Bit and Stephi had come in about 11:30. As usual, Two-Bit came through the door making as much noise as possible. I had a pounding headache. I had been at the construction site 'til well after 9:00. We were starting to run past our deadline, and I couldn't risk this job. It had the potential to lead to bigger and better things. I had just dozed off in the armchair, and was awoken by the slamming screen door and Two-Bit laughing like a hyena. Stephi was laughing as well, at whatever story he had been telling her. My head jerked up and that was not good for my headache.  
  
"What are the two of you doing, makin' that much noise?" I demanded.  
  
"Sorry Darry," Steph said. "Two-Bit was telling me about."  
  
"Where's Pony?" I broke in. I wasn't in the mood for Two-Bit's stories tonight.  
  
"He and Johnny stayed at the park to have a smoke. He said he'd be here in a few minutes," she replied.  
  
"Darry, I'm headed over to Johnson's for some poker. You in?" Two-Bit asked.  
  
"Not tonight," I said, sinking back into the chair. "I'm too tired and my head is killing me."  
  
"All right. See ya'll tomorrow," he called heading out the door.  
  
"See ya Two-Bit," Stephi said. Then she turned back to me. "Do you want some aspirin Darry?"  
  
"Nah," I replied. "I already had some."  
  
"Okay. I'm gonna go wash my face and get ready for bed. Why don't you go on to bed?"  
  
"I'll just wait a few more minutes 'til Pony gets home. I'll go to bed then."  
  
She went off towards the bathroom and I closed my eyes again. I didn't fall asleep this time, but tried to will the aspirin to start working and make the headache go away. It didn't work. I flipped the TV on for a distraction. Stephi came back out a few minutes later to join me. We sat in silence, watching an old movie on the tube.  
  
After the next commercial, I looked up at the clock. Five after twelve. Pony was late now, but I figured he probably didn't have a watch on. I'll give him a few more minutes and then I'm going to get him.  
  
Soda came through the door a few minutes later. "Hey ya'll."  
  
"Hi Soda. How was your date?" Stephi asked.  
  
"Just fine 'til Steve and Evie got into a fight about what song to play on the jukebox. How dumb is that? Those two fight over the stupidest little things. He's still over at her house tryin' to make it up to her." Soda dropped on the couch beside her.  
  
"She never stays mad at him for long," Stephi commented. "She'll string him along for a day or two, make him beg, and then it'll be back to normal for a week or two. That's what always happens."  
  
"Yeah, and I'll have to hear about it all day tomorrow at work. Hey, where's Pony?"  
  
I was just thinking the same thing. "Stephi said he was at the park. Soda, would you go down there and check?"  
  
"Sure thing, bro. I'll be right back."  
  
Ten minutes later, Soda walked through the door alone. "He wasn't there. I didn't see him anywhere."  
  
"Where the hell could he be?" I demanded, jumping out of the chair. "He's way past curfew now." I wasn't in the mood for this tonight. I just wanted to go to bed.  
  
"Calm down, Darry. I'm sure he'll be here in a few minutes. Just sit back down. I'll wait up with ya."  
  
"Yeah, Darry," Stephi said. "He'll be right home."  
  
That was an hour and a half ago. Soda and Stephi had dozed off on the couch. I had read through the damn newspaper three times now, and couldn't remember a word of what I had read. Every time I looked at the clock, I got angrier. I was staring at the paper when I heard the screen door open. I was up on my feet before he was able to step into the house. I was about to crack. "Where the heck have you been? Do you know what time it is?"  
  
He didn't have an answer for me. I went on yelling at him. He finally came up some answer about falling asleep in the lot. I couldn't believe he'd been dumb enough to risk our family. If I had to call the cops to go out and find him, there is no doubt in my mind that he, Steph and Soda would be taken away from me. I had those guys from the state breathing down my neck all the time. The kids didn't realize how much the state watched over me to make sure I was taking care of them.  
  
By this time, my yelling had woken up Stephi and Soda, but that didn't bother me. I kept on Ponyboy. I wanted him to tell my why I shouldn't ground him for life. He had to realize that this is exactly the behavior that would get him sent to a boys home. Soda stood up and told me to lay off, and I turned on him as well. They just didn't understand the position I was in.  
  
Ponyboy suddenly shouted back at me. "You don't yell at him."  
  
Something inside me snapped. I lunged at Pony and slapped him. Everything was still and silent. I had never hit anyone in my family before. No one had. Soda's eyes were wide and Stephi's mouth hung open in disbelief. I came to my senses but was frozen. I can't believe I just hit my brother. I looked down at my hand and back to Pony. He was watching me in disbelief. I didn't know what to say, but I had to say something. "Ponyboy."  
  
He turned and ran back out the door. "Pony, I didn't mean to." I called after him. He just kept running down the street. I turned back to Stephi and Soda. They hadn't moved.  
  
"I'm gonna go get him." Soda started for the door.  
  
"I'm goin' too," Stephi said.  
  
"No you're not. I'll go," I told her.  
  
"Darry, if you go chasin' after him right now, he's gonna keep runnin'." Soda said. He turned to Stephi. "You go on to the park and I'll go check the lot and down the alley." He turned back towards me. "We'll be right back. You stay here."  
  
He had a point. Ponyboy would run from me right now, and I couldn't blame him. I can't believe I hit him. I sat back down in the chair and waited.  
  
Ponyboy's P.O.V.  
  
I've got to get out of here. I can't take it anymore. Those thoughts kept pounding in my head as I ran. My feet pounded on the pavement. My heart pounded in my chest. There was almost a rhythm to it all. I'm gone. I'm gone. I'm gone.  
  
I ran straight to the spot where I had left Johnny at the park. I saw him lying there on the ground and started calling his name. He jumped up in surprise, and looked relieved to see that it was only me. I had to keep running and was glad to see that Johnny followed me when I told him we were running away. I knew he would. As we ran, I noticed the tears that had started. I looked towards Johnny. He was starting to get out of breath. I was, too. I felt that I couldn't catch my breath, but wasn't sure if it was from the running or the lump in my chest that was rising to my throat. I slowed down and came to a stop. I dropped to the curb and put my head down in my hands and let the tears come. Johnny sat next to me and put a hand on my shoulder, telling me to take it easy, that we'd be okay.  
  
I calmed down enough to ask him for a cigarette. A few drags later, I was able to get the story out. Johnny was amazed. No one knew the tension between Darry and I. I can't believe he hit me. Even telling the story to Johnny, it sounded unreal. I never thought my brother would hit me.  
  
We talked for a few minutes. I began to realize just how sleepy and cold I really was. I decided that I had every right to be in our house, same as Soda and Stephi. I would go back home. I just wouldn't talk to Darry. He couldn't make me speak to him if I didn't want to. I still had Soda and Stephi. I would be fine.  
  
"Let's walk to the park and back. Then maybe I'll be cooled off enough to go home."  
  
"Okay," Johnny said easily. "Okay."  
  
Things gotta get better, I figured. They couldn't get worse. I was wrong.  
  
"Ain't you about to freeze to death, Pony?"  
  
"You ain't a'woofin'," I said. That was when I noticed the blue Mustang. Crap. I couldn't believe it "Oh glory," I said with a groan, "this is all I need to top off a perfect night. At least they didn't see us." I took one last drag on my weed and ground the stub under my heel. "Want to run for it?"  
  
"No. I think they stopped at the park, though. Let's stay behind those trees and see what they're doing."  
  
The car stopped, the doors opened and we heard their voices. Slurred, drunken voices. We couldn't yet tell what anyone was saying, and we moved closer, trying to stay in the shadows. As we got closer, we could make out six figures. They were wasted. That was scarier to me than if there were 10 of them. Drunk people don't fight fair and they can't be reasoned with. Johnny's hand went to his back pocket and I remembered his switchblade. I wished I had something - the broken bottle from before, a blade, anything.  
  
I glanced over to Johnny. He was scared to death. I've never seen him that scared. He was pale and shaky, but his eyes were surprisingly strong. They didn't waver.  
  
As we got to the edge of the park, we both stopped, shocked at what we were seeing before us. There were only five Socs. The sixth figure we saw was Stephi. She must have come looking for me after I ran from the house.  
  
The Socs were gathered around her and one was holding her with her arms pinned behind her back. One of the Socs was running his hands up and down her chest and drunkenly ranting. "If you dirty greasers think you can make it with our women, we'll show you, huh, honey? You know you want it. All you greasy sluts do . . ." Stehpi was squirming and trying to get loose, but couldn't scream because the big Soc holding her had his hand clamped firmly over her mouth. Stephi suddenly kicked the Soc in front of her. He doubled over, but Bob reached over and slapped her hard across the face. He grabbed at her shirt and pulled it right off of her  
  
Johnny and I sprinted towards the Socs. When they heard us coming, they turned, and the Soc holding Stephi tightened his grip. I caught her eye as we got closer. I had never seen her so terrified. We stopped by the fountain and the Socs came toward us. They smelled so heavily of whiskey and English Leather that I almost choked. I wished desperately that Soda and Darry, or anyone else, would come along hunting for us. But no one was around, and I knew Johnny and I were going to have to fight it out alone. Johnny had a blank, tough look on his face. I could see panic in his eyes, though, and wondered if my eyes looked the same. I stared at the Socs. I wasn't going to let them know I was scared.  
  
"Let go of my sister. Your beef's with us, not her," I said coolly.  
  
It was the same group of Socs that had picked up Cherry and Marcia - Bob, Randy, and the three others. Again, I noticed that Johnny was watching Bob's rings. It had to be him that had jumped Johnny before.  
  
"Hey, whatta ya know," Bob said a little unsteadily, "here's the greasers that picked up our girls. Wanna watch us pick up on yours?" He ran the back of his finger along Stephi's cheekbone; she flinched. She had silent tears running down her face.  
  
"You're outta your territory," Johnny warned in a low voice. "You'd better watch it."  
  
Bob looked Johnny up and down. I wondered if he remembered Johnny. Do any of them remember the greasers they beat up for kicks? Randy swore at us and they stepped in closer. "Nup, pal, you're the ones who'd better watch it. Next time you want a broad pick up you're own kind - dirt."  
  
I couldn't believe how mad I was at them. They had no right to be here. No right to try and hurt my sister. No right to beat up me and Johnny. I almost couldn't believe my own ears when I called them white trash and spit at them.  
  
Bob shook his head, smiling slowly. "You could use a bath, greaser. And a good working over. And we've got all night to do it. Give the kid a bath, David. You ready to watch your brother take a bath, sweetheart?"  
  
Suddenly, one of them rushed me and had my arm twisted behind my back. I was dragged a few feet over to the fountain. I fought against him, but had my head shoved into the water. It was freezing cold and jolted me. I felt strength rising through my body and pushed my head up out of the water. I gasped the fresh air in huge gulps and looked around wildly for Stephi and Johnny. I didn't have time to see anything because the guy holding my neck shoved me back under. I tried holding my breath, but the struggling was sapping my strength. I'm dying, I thought, and the world was gone.  
  
Air came rushing back into my lungs and my eyes flickered open. Where was I and why am I so freezing cold and wet? Abruptly, my memory came back. The Socs. The fountain. Johnny and Stephi. Oh god, where are Johnny and Stephi? It took all the strength I had to sit up and look around. I saw Stephi struggling to sit up a few feet away. Then I saw Johnny.  
  
He wasn't moving, just staring straight ahead. His eyes were empty. He turned to me.  
  
"I killed him," he said slowly. "I killed that boy."  
  
Special Thanks To:  
  
Stacy (Nice Story) - Thanks for the good review. I hope you've been able to read the other chapters. I don't understand this site - sometimes things work and sometimes they don't - but love it anyway.  
  
Karlei - Thanks once again. I'm so glad you're still reading and putting up with me and my little story (  
  
TwoBitGortez - Muchas gracias (I get tired of thank you in every response) to you for reading and reviewing.  
  
DallysGirl4Life - I know, what's up with Johnny? I wasn't too sure if it really fit the character, either, but I came up with that little scene one day and sooo wanted to use it. I'm glad you like the story - thanks!  
  
Ski Ming Bitch - Love your penname - it took me a few times of reading it, but once I said it out loud I got it. Also loved Visiting - I'm so glad you gave it a "shameless plug" it in your review. Stephi was a 16 or 17 on the MarySue test (I don't remember for sure). I invented her to put her brothers through a challenge they have never faced before (coming up after all the original story). You will notice, as the story goes on, that it is never told from her point of view. I don't want the story to be about her, but rather about how her brothers react to her and her situation. Hopefully, that's how it comes across ( Thanks for reading and thanks for the nice review - I like the ones that give me something to think about!  
  
Greaserchick182 - Don't worry, Pony won't die, but Dally on the other hand. well, the beginning of my story follows the wonderful, original story. Sorry to say that means nothing good in sight for Dally's fate. Thanks for reading.  
  
Ski Ming Bitch (review for chapter 3) - Thanks once again. And again, I loved your story. Johnny surprised everyone - who knew he had it in him. I am glad you liked it and that it was believable.  
  
Pony's Girl - Yeah, poor Johnny. Unfortunately, it only gets worse for him. Thanks for the nice review. I'm glad you're liking it.  
  
Ursula - I'm glad you liked Johnny's point of view. I hope I can stay true to character and story when I write other people's p.o.v. Thanks for reviewing! 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 - Looking Back  
  
Disclaimer - Don't own The Outsiders or most of the characters in my story.  
  
Johnny's P.O.V.  
  
"I killed him," I said. "I killed that boy."  
  
I can't believe what I had done. I didn't know I had it in me to use my switchblade. I don't really remember doing it. I remember being knocked to the ground and being kicked several times. I remember Ponyboy being shoved under the water in the fountain, coming up and gasping for air, and then being pushed back down again. I remember Stephi thrashing violently as she watched. The big guy holding her got fed up and cracked her head into the light pole next to him. She crumbled to the ground as he headed to the fountain to help the others. Then, I remember.nothing. Why can't I remember?  
  
Ponyboy sat up next to me. He glanced over to where Stephi had lain on the ground. She was also starting to sit up. She had a gash on her temple and blood running down her face. Pony then glanced over to the body lying on the concrete in a pool of blood.  
  
"I think I'm going to be sick," he said, holding tightly to his midsection.  
  
He turned his head and threw up as I stood up to go check on Stephi. She was crying and only nodded when I asked her if she was okay. I helped her stand up and move over to the bench to sit down. The bleeding from her wound was slowing. I picked up her shirt from the ground where it had been tossed earlier, and held it up to her head.  
  
Ponyboy slowly staggered over to us. "What happened, Steph?"  
  
She didn't answer, so I answered for her. "She went wild when she saw you pushed under the water. The big Soc holding her slammed her head into that light pole over there."  
  
Pony looked at me. "You really killed him, huh Johnny?" His voice wavered.  
  
My head was spinning. I knew I had killed him. I was holding my knife and it was covered with blood. Why couldn't I remember? "I.I think so. I had to. They were gonna drown you. They were gonna hurt us all. They coulda killed us. What else could I do?" My voice was quiet. Why did I sound so calm? I wasn't calm. Panic was setting in. Oh my god, I killed him. That thought kept running through my head. I didn't even hear what Pony said next. Then I noticed him shaking and screaming.  
  
"Oh my god! What are we going to do? Johnny?"  
  
"Pony, calm down. Get a hold of yourself. You're scaring Stephi to death." We both looked over to her sitting on the bench. She staring at the two of us, sobs racking her body.  
  
"I'm sorry, sweetie. I'm sorry," he said to her, dropping on the bench at her side and hugging her. He looked back up to me. "What are we gonna do?"  
  
The look in his eyes spooked me even more. He was putting all his trust in me to get us out of this. Shit. My eyes darted around the park. "We have to get outta here." That I knew for sure. But what else were we gonna do? We couldn't just go back home and pretend nothing happened. Those Socs were going straight to the cops and this place would be swarming with fuzz real soon. We've need somewhere to go, money, maybe a gun. Dally. As soon as his name popped into my head, I knew that was our only hope.  
  
I told Pony and Stephi we were going to find Dally. They nodded and got up off the bench. They didn't ask any questions, and I knew they understood that he was the only person that could help us. We walked to Buck Merril's place in silence, sticking to shadows and alleys whenever we could.  
  
The walk gave me time to think. I knew that Dally would help. Dally knew everything. He would know what to do. He was the most streetwise person I had ever met and I admired him more than anyone knew. He was a tough hood, but he looked out for his buddies unquestionably. I was sure glad that I was on the buddy side. Questions with no answers rattled around my head. Why was Stephi in the park? Why didn't Pony or I run for help? What would happen if the police found us? Where would we go if we couldn't find Dally? Thank goodness I didn't have to come up with an answer for that last one. We were standing on the front porch of Buck's place and he had just gone in to get Dally.  
  
He came to the door with jeans and an open flannel shirt. "Okay kids, whatta ya need me for?" he asked. Then his eyes got huge. "What the.Stephi, where in the hell is your shirt?" I suddenly realized that Stephi had only her bra on. I had given her shirt back to her for her head, but we didn't have it with us now. Dally took off his flannel shirt and draped it over her shoulders. "Johnny," he said, looking me in the eye, "what the hell is going on here?"  
  
The look he gave me almost sent shivers into me - compassion, fear, expectation, and most of all respect. I didn't know anyone else that showed me respect like Dally. It wasn't obvious, but I knew. One look from him and I spilled the whole story. At the end, Dally just grinned. Thank goodness, because I was fighting back tears. He pulled us into Buck's and back to a bedroom. He tossed Ponyboy a towel and left the room for a few minutes. We all sat down on the bed, too stunned to talk. Dally came back a few minutes later. He handed Ponyboy some rubbing alcohol and gauze.  
  
"Here," he said, "help her clean up that cut." He took a hard look at her. "Is she going to be okay?"  
  
"I hope so," Pony said. He turned to busy himself with Stephi, who had pulled her knees up to her chest and was slowly rocking herself.  
  
Dally came to me and gave me a gun and fifty dollars. He had a shirt for Ponyboy and a couple of extra jackets. He had a plan. I knew he would. He told us which train to jump and where to get off - some small town called Windrixville. He sent us out the door. "Git goin." He reached out and messed my hair, and in a voice only I could hear, said, "Take care, kid."  
  
After a long, lonely ride on the empty rail care, the three of us jumped off into the wet grass just outside of Windrixville. My legs had fallen asleep because Pony had slept on them. I was rubbing and rubbing, but the pins and needles feeling wouldn't go away. I convinced Ponyboy that he should be the one to go ask directions to the church. I couldn't walk yet, and neither of us wanted to send Stephi off. She hadn't looked either of us in the eyes and hadn't said a single word since we left the park.  
  
Pony came back with the directions to the abandoned church Dally has told us about. It wasn't too far from where we were. I was glad. I was tired. Stephi and I neither one slept on the train. We sat in silence the whole bumpy ride, her head on my shoulder and my arm holding her tightly. I had wanted to talk to her so badly, but couldn't find the right words.  
  
We got to the church after about 45 minutes. It was kind of creepy, but I didn't care at that point. The hill we had to climb to get up there was steep, and we had to help Steph along the way. We all slipped and stumbled on the way up. I stretched out onto the floor and was asleep before my head hit the concrete.  
  
Ponyboy's P.O.V.  
  
I was drifting in and out of sleep, unaware of where I was. I was sure I was home in bed and that Soda and Stephi were sure to be waking me up any minute now. I rolled over on to my side, and suddenly remembered where I was. The concrete floor was a harsh reminder that I was in a small, eerie church in a town far from my brothers and my nice warm bed.  
  
I pushed up off the floor, rubbing my eyes. The silence was disturbing. I saw Stephi sitting there, watching me. She gave a small wave. I waved back. I looked around the church and suddenly realized that Johnny wasn't there.  
  
"Stephi, where's Johnny"? I asked.  
  
"He went to the store to get some supplies." It was the first time I had heard Stephi speak since we were at the park the night before.  
  
I walked over and sat down beside her. She didn't look good. I could tell that she hadn't slept at all. "How ya doin' Steph?"  
  
"I'm okay."  
  
"Are you sure? You look awfully tired."  
  
She didn't say anything, just pulled her knees into her body a little tighter and looked down at her feet. "Did you get any sleep," I asked.  
  
"I couldn't sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I see them."  
  
"They're gone. They won't get us here."  
  
She glanced up at me. "I know," she said, looking back down to her feet.  
  
I sighed and gave her shoulders a squeeze. I went to the pump out back to get a drink, and heard someone coming. I jumped back into the doorway of the church, my imagination running away and thinking that it was the cops to arrest Steph and me and take us away. Only after the long, low whistle used by our gang and Shepard's, did I realize that it was only Johnny.  
  
He came in with two sacks of food and supplies that I readily helped him unpack. I only slowed down when I came to the peroxide. "Johnny, you ain't thinking of."  
  
He cut me off and pulled out his knife. He really was planning on cutting our hair and bleaching mine. Stephi's hand flew to her hair. "Oh no! Johnny, not my hair."  
  
I backed her up on that one. My hair was my pride and joy - something I could have that no Soc could take away. I was a greaser, and my hair showed that. I really liked my hair.  
  
Johnny pleaded with us. "It'll grow back."  
  
Stephi stepped forward. "Okay," she said reluctantly. "If I have to, I will do it, but do it now before I change my mind."  
  
"Thanks, Stehpi," Johnny said, relief in his voice. "You know I don't really want to do the. We have to."  
  
"I know. Just do it." She sat down on one of the few pews that were left standing. Johnny quickly cut Steph's hair just above her shoulders. She winced, but did not say a word.  
  
We found an old, cracked mirror in a closet. Johnny asked, "Do you wanna see?"  
  
"Not right now." She sat down in the corner of the church, hugging her knees to her chest and watching us.  
  
Johnny turned to me. "Pony." he pleaded.  
  
"Fine. Get it over with." I had to let him do it after Stephi had agreed. There was no point in arguing. I wasn't happy about it, though. We put the bleach in and I sat in the sun for 15 minutes. I did a double take when I looked in the mirror. That wasn't me. I cut Johnny's hair and he washed the grease out. We all looked weird, not like ourselves at all. It was going to take some getting used to.  
  
Johnny and I sat on the back steps of the church. I kept on complaining about my ruined hair, and broke into tears when Johnny told me that we were in big trouble and that it was our looks or us. That really hit me hard. He looked at me, shocked that cutting my hair would set me off into tears. He apologized.  
  
"It ain't that," I said. I was upset about my hair, but that wasn't near all of it. I was spooked, and didn't know what was going to happen to us. I looked into the church. Stephi was still sitting in the corner, but was no longer watching us. She was staring blankly towards the front of the church. "I'm just mixed up. I don't want Stephi to see me like this. She's mighty scared, and I'm worried about her. She's in shock and that cut on her head is still bleeding a little. I don't know what to do for her."  
  
"Me either. She's being brave, but it's just a front," Johnny added.  
  
"I'm just so scared, Johnny."  
  
"I know." He went prattled on - something about Two-Bit swiping stuff from the country store the supplies came from. Boy, was I homesick, and this wasn't helping.  
  
I started in about Two-Bit - memories from the night before - when Johnny abruptly jumped to his feet, yelling at me to stop talking about last night.  
  
"Shut up. I killed a kid last night." He was crying by then. "I didn't mean to, but they were hurting Stephi, maybe even gonna rape her. They were drownin' you. What else could I do? I was scared, man."  
  
He was pacing and I was crying. Stephi was still staring blankly. Thank goodness she hadn't noticed. We were just gonna scare her even more. Johnny dropped down beside me, apologizing for his remarks about bringing along a kid. I leaned into his shoulder and cried myself to sleep.  
  
I woke up late that night. Johnny was sleeping, sitting up with me having been asleep on his shoulder. I moved off him gently, so as not to wake him up. I walked over to the corner where Stephi was. She was still sitting with her knees pulled up to her chest, and she had her head down on her knees. "Steph, are you awake?"  
  
Without lifting her head, I heard a soft, "Yeah."  
  
"Why don't you lay down and go to sleep?"  
  
"I can't," she answered.  
  
"You need to sleep. You've been up for about two days and you have a nasty cut on your head. You.we've all been through a lot, but you need to get some rest."  
  
She finally lifted her head. Her face was streaked with tears. "I can't. I just." she broke down. Her whole body was trembling. I wrapped my arms around her. "Every time I close my eyes I see them. I hear them, the things they said they were gonna do to me.I can't Pony. I don't wanna sleep, not now. Okay?"  
  
"Sure, honey, sure." I gave her a tight hug and curled up beside her and fell asleep.  
  
I woke up the next morning and saw that Johnny was already awake. Stephi had moved to the doorway, and was watching the sunrise over the countryside. Johnny was playing solitaire in the back of the church. I stretched, yawned, and walked over to him.  
  
"Pony?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
He nodded towards Stephi. "Did she sleep at all last night?"  
  
"I don't think so," I answered. "She said she can't - she sees and hears those Socs when she closes her eyes.  
  
We sat in silence for a few minutes. "Johnny?"  
  
"Yeah?" he said quietly?  
  
"We ain't gonna cry no more, are we?"  
  
He agreed and we both relaxed a little. We were stuck, but we knew we could handle whatever came our way. We had handled things so far, and we would get by.  
  
A/N - Thanks for reading! And special thanks to my reviewers (along with a few slicks from my puppy - he likes it when I'm happy):  
  
Two-BitGortez - Thanks for the wonderful review. I'm glad I'm not the only one.  
  
Pony's Girl - Yeah, unfortunately for Johnny, things are not going to go his way. Thanks for reviewing.  
  
Anja - Sorry, but there's not good news for Johnny. I'm glad you're liking him and Stephi, though. It's weird giving him a bit of a love interest - it's not like him.  
  
Jessie C. - Thanks for finding my story and reviewing. I love hearing from readers.  
  
SkiMing Bitch - Thanks goodness I don't know anyone who was ever really in that situation either, but I'm with you - it would be horrible. The effects are not going to be seen immediately, because there is so much else on everyone's mind right now. The effects are pretty subtle now compared to later - hang on. And thanks - I liked that ending too - it was a great place to stop. 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 - Looking Back  
  
A/N - Still don't own the Outsider's and the great characters/situations. Wish I did, but that's not likely to happen. Thanks for reading! Sorry it's been a few weeks, but better late than never.  
  
Johnny's P.O.V.  
  
I never really knew how long a day could drag on when there is nothing to do. I mean nothing. It's a good thing none of us had a watch - we probably would have been looking at the time every minute. At least we had the deck of cards and the book. I really liked the book. It made me think. I could just picture Dally as one of those Southern gentlemen. Like them, he was fearless. He was cool, especially under pressure. And, he was cocky - just like those Southern gentlemen who thought they would win the civil war hands down. When I first told Pony, he laughed at me, but I think I got through to him when I explained.  
  
Stephi was drawing farther and farther away from us. She spent much of her time in the back corner, with her legs drawn into her chest. She still wasn't sleeping. Her eyes were red with large, dark circles underneath, and her face was pale. She only spoke when we asked her questions, and sometimes, not even then. She only ate when we really pushed her. She was lost in her own world and we couldn't get through to her. She didn't even seem to hear us most of the time. Pony and I were growing more worried every day. We began to sleep in shifts, but by morning we both usually fell asleep - we felt more secure knowing that someone was awake with her for most of the night. We usually slept in the corner with her, huddled together for warmth. Dally sure was right about it being cold out here.  
  
We stayed away from the front of the church, to stay hidden from the road. We hung out at the back, just playing cards and reading our book. Pony usually read aloud to me - he was able to read quicker and steadier. I sometimes stumbled over the words when I read. I could read enough to get by, but still had trouble with many words. All throughout school, teachers just passed me on to the next grade - none of them every really tried to help. I wasn't a troublemaker in class or anything, but I think they just wanted to get rid of me.  
  
I woke up early one morning and noticed that Pony wasn't in the church. The sun wasn't even up yet. I turned to Stephi. "Good morning, Steph." She was shivering. "Are you cold?"  
  
She didn't answer. I stood up and took off my jeans jacket and draped it over her shoulders. "I'm gonna go look for Pony. I'll be right back."  
  
I found him just outside the back door, watching the horizon. I turned my head the direction he was looking and saw the most beautiful sunrise. I had never seen a sunrise before. I was amazed and spoke my thoughts aloud, startling Ponyboy.  
  
He told me a poem that he'd read before. It was exactly what I meant when I said I wished the sun and sky could stay all silver and gold. I didn't quite get the whole meaning of the poem just then, but really liked what it said. I remembered it.  
  
We went inside and made some baloney sandwiches. Boy, was I sick of baloney. Pony took a sandwich over to Stephi.  
  
"Hey Steph, I brought you a sandwich," he said, sitting down beside her. She didn't even move, like she didn't hear him. He put his arm around her shoulder. "Come on, sweetie, you really need to eat something." He looked back towards me. I caught his eye and knew we were both thinking the same thing.  
  
"Pony," I said, with concern, "look at her. She's as white as a ghost. She's lost weight and she needs sleep. If she doesn't snap out of this soon, we're gonna have to get her some help. She really needs a doctor. She shouldn't be here. She needs to be at home."  
  
At the mention of home, Stephi snapped out of her trance and looked up at Pony. "Oh, Ponyboy, I want to go home. I just want to go home. I want Soda and Darry." Then she began to cry. She threw her arms around Pony and held on tight as sobs racked her body. All he could do was just hold her and try to reassure her.  
  
"We'll be home soon," he whispered to her, not knowing if he was telling her the truth or not. I went over and sat with them. Stephi cried for nearly half and hour and finally fell into an exhausted sleep. Relieved, Pony carefully laid her on the floor and let her sleep. We sat in silence for several minutes, then quietly moved to the other side of the church to play cards.  
  
Pony smoked at least two packs while we were playing, and wouldn't eat anything. He finally told me he felt a little tired, and went over to the corner where Stephi was sleeping to lay down. I picked up the book and tried to read, when I heard a noise outside the church. I glanced over to Pony and Stephi. He must not have heard the noise, because he didn't more. Maybe I was just imagining things. It was easy for your imagination to run away out here. Then, I heard a twig snap. Okay, now it was real.  
  
I slowly got up and moved towards the small window by the back door. The window was boarded over, but had a few cracks that we could see out. I made my way towards the crack to see if there was anything out back. I peeked out the crack and saw Dally coming around the back corner of the church. I had never been so happy to see someone in my life.  
  
I ran out the door and met him, a big grin on my face. He grinned too, and reached over to ruffle my hair. "Hey, Johnnycake, how ya been?" "Dally, it's great to see ya? How are ya? How're things at home? What's going on with the cops? And the guys?" I had more questions, but Dally stopped me.  
  
"Slow down, pally. I'll explain it all. Where're Pony and Stephi?"  
  
"They're inside sleeping. Pony's gonna be so happy to see ya. Let's go get him." I was so excited to hear news from home, I was almost jumping up and down. We walked in and Dally went straight to Pony. He turned to me, pointed to his hair, then Pony and smirked. I had almost forgotten about Pony's blonde hair - I was used to it now.  
  
Dally nudged Pony with his toe to wake him up. Pony rolled over and, when he saw it was Dally, jumped up, as excited as I was.  
  
"Hey, Ponyboy!" Dally grinned. "And Sleeping Beauty," he said as he started to reach out his foot to nudge Stephi.  
  
I ran over and almost tackled him. "No, Dally. Let her sleep. It's the first time she's slept since we've been here."  
  
"Okay, okay," he said as we all three walked over to the other side of the church.  
  
Pony began with the questions, most of them the same as mine. Dally stopped him, too and offered to take us to get something to eat and explain it all there. We jumped at the chance for real food. Dally explained how he had convinced the cops that we were headed south to Texas to hide out. They wouldn't be looking for us here.  
  
"Ain't you guys been eatin' anything?" Dally asked.  
  
I was stunned at the question. "Yeah. What made ya think we weren't?"  
  
He shook his head. "Well, you're both pale and look like you've lost weight. And look at Stephi. I hate to say it, but she ain't lookin' so good. What's going on with her?"  
  
"She hasn't slept at all 'til now and she's barely eaten a thing," I answered. "We've been awfully worried. We were thinking about takin' her to a doctor or something, but she finally fell asleep a little while ago. I think she's in shock and very homesick."  
  
Just then, Dally remembered he had a letter for Ponyboy. He tossed it to him, joking with him about who the letter was from. It was from Sodapop, and Pony read through it silently, a grin on his face - no doubt thinking about home and his brothers.  
  
"Come on," Dally beckoned. "Ya'll want something to eat or not? What about Stephi?"  
  
Pony and I jumped up quickly. "I don't know, though," Pony looked over to Stephi. "We really shouldn't wake her."  
  
"Well," Dally started, "I think there's some paper out in the car. We could leave her a note."  
  
Pony looked uncertain. I knew he wanted to stay with Steph, but I also knew he wanted real food and news from home. "Pony," I said, "it'll be okay. She probably ain't even gonna wake up. She's awful tired."  
  
"Okay, I guess you're right." Dally got some paper and Pony wrote her a note.  
  
Stephi,  
  
Dally came to check up on us. We are going into town to get something to eat. You were sleeping so peacefully, I couldn't bear to wake you up. Please don't worry - Dally knows what he's doing and he wouldn't take us out if it wasn't safe. We'll be back real quick and bring you a bite to eat.  
  
Love, Pony  
  
We got into the car and Dally tore off down the road. I love driving fast just as much as the next guy, but it made me a little sick. He pulled into a Dairy Queen and Pony and I stuffed ourselves with barbeque and ice cream. I had never tasted anything so wonderful.  
  
Dally finally got into the news from home. It was all out Soc against greaser. Two-bit had been jumped a few days ago, but was okay. There was going to be a rumple tomorrow night at the vacant lot. They even had a spy - Cherry Valance.  
  
Pony boy was surprised at this news, but I kind of understood. She seemed like a nice enough girl, and Dally said she thought everything was kind of her fault anyway. Pony and Dally began talking about when the Curtis family spent time out in the country. I wasn't really listening. I was thinking about home. I'm sure my parents didn't care too much that I wasn't around, but maybe they did. I know Darry and Soda had to be worried out of their minds about Pony and Stephi. It wasn't fair for them to be stuck out here with me. They didn't do anything. It was me. Suddenly, I knew what I had to do. I had to go back. I broke into their conversation. "We're goin' back and turn ourselves in."  
  
Dally swore. "Damn it Johnny. What the hell?"  
  
Quietly, I repeated myself. Dally looked at me with disbelief in his eyes. Afraid I had upset him, I stumbled into an explanation - about how it was self-defense, that it wasn't fair for Pony and Stephi, or Darry and Soda. "Dally, Stephi's sick and I couldn't take it if something happened to her. Plus, I don't aim to stay in that church all my life."  
  
I looked at Dally, my eyes pleading with him to agree with me. I needed his reassurance. I needed to know that this was the right thing to do.  
  
"You sure about this, Johnny? Greasers get more trouble than anyone else."  
  
I swallowed hard. "Yeah, I'm sure. It's not right for Darry and Soda and the guys to worry. It's not fair for - well, my parents. I don't guess that my parent's are worried about me or anything?"  
  
"The boys are worried," Dally answered. It wasn't the answer I wanted to hear. I asked again.  
  
Dally snapped. He ranted at me about his parents not caring. He couldn't believe that it mattered to me. I turned to look at the dashboard. It did matter. My parents really didn't care about me. I had known this deep down for sometime, but this made it real to me. Dally took off towards the church. He was mad at me. I felt even worse. The last thing I wanted to do was to make Dally mad. He was in a rage and ranting at me. He asked why I hadn't just turned myself in five days ago, and saved us all the trouble.  
  
"I don't know, Dally. I was scared. I still am."  
  
Dally was puzzled. This answer didn't help. He looked over at me out the corner of his eyes - they were blazing. I must have looked as rotten as I felt, cause he told me then he wasn't mad at me. He just didn't want me to get hurt, he didn't want me to go to jail and end up like him. I was amazed. I had never heard Dally talk like this. I asked him if he would rather have me hiding out for the rest of my life. Whatever he answered, I would stick with it. He didn't have time to answer. Dally slammed on the brakes. "Oh Glory," he muttered. The church was on fire.  
  
"Oh my god, Stephi!" Pony yelled as he jumped out of the car. I quickly followed. Dally called out to be careful. There was a crowd in front of the church, mostly little kids. Pony ran to them, searching wildly for Stephi. He got to the nearest grown up.  
  
"Have you seen a blonde girl, a little older than me?" he asked at the same time I asked, "What's going on here?"  
  
"No, I haven't seen anyone else," the big guy answered. "We were having a school picnic up here and next thing we know, the place is in flames. Good thing it's worthless." He shouted at the kids to stand back.  
  
"My sister was in that church," Pony said to him. He turned to me, frantic. "I bet we started it - we must have dropped a cigarette. Where is she Johnny?"  
  
"Calm down, Pony. She's probably out back," I tried to assure him. My voice faltered. "Let's go see." I couldn't believe we left her in there. How could I have thought it was okay to leave her here alone?  
  
At the same time a lady came running up. "Jerry, some of the kids are missing."  
  
"They're probably around here somewhere. You can't tell with all the excitement. Did you check out back?" Jerry asked.  
  
"I just came from the back, there's no one there. I thought they were climbing."  
  
We all froze as we faintly heard someone yelling. It sounded like it was coming from the church.  
  
Pony turned white. "Stephi, I'm coming! Hang on!" he yelled. He beat me to the front of the church, but couldn't get through the door - it was in flames. I followed him to the window and watched as he threw a big rock through it and began to climb in. All I could think was that we started it. We started it and left Stephi in there alone.  
  
I followed Pony into the church, and the smoke took my breath away. I choked and gagged. My eyes teared up. It didn't matter, though, we had to find Stephi. I was scared. I knew that I couldn't take the time to be scared. Not now.  
  
We pushed open the door to the back room and found Stephi with four or five kids that were huddled in the corner. She was trying to calm the one that was screaming his head off. "Shut up," I yelled. "We're gonna get you out of here." Stephi looked up and saw us. Relief flooded her face. I grinned. Now that we found Stephi, I really wasn't scared. It kind of surprised me. I grabbed a kid and headed for the window.  
  
Pony grabbed Stephi's arm and pushed her toward the window. "Get out!"  
  
"Not 'til these kids are out, Pony. Help me." She and Pony each grabbed a kid. I reached the window and Dally was there. I handed him the kid. He pulled him out the window then yelled at me, "For Pete's sake, get Stephi and get out of there! That roof's gonna cave any minute. Forget those blasted kids!"  
  
I ignored him and went back for another kid. We got them all out and Dally helped Stephi climb out the window. I pushed Pony towards the window. Just then, I large piece of the roof came down towards me. I screamed and passed out as the weight of it came down onto my back.  
  
A/N - Thanks for reading. Sorry it's taken a while - these middle chapters are hard to write. I hate to repeat the book, but also hate to leave out key parts. I have the end of the story written - if I could just get to it.  
  
DallysGirl4Life - Thanks for continuing to read, and more importantly, for reviewing. It's such good motivation to keep writing.  
  
Anja - Thanks for the lovely review. Sorry about Johnny - unfortunately, I didn't write that part - I'm just following Ms. Hinton's lead there. Glad you liked it.  
  
Two-BitGortez - Thanks for the review, and that's okay that it's not in Spanish. I took my Spanish classes so long ago, that I wouldn't be able to read much of it. Thanks for reading!  
  
Dally's Chick - It was so nice to hear from you - thanks. Bad news, though - I don't see good things ahead for Johnny and Dally - I'm sticking to the book there. Sorry. Things are going to stay interesting, though. Thanks again!  
  
Pony's Girl - Thank you again - I'm so glad you are liking this story.  
  
GirlsDontCri - 1 - Me too, thanks. 2 - Thanks again. 3 - I really liked hearing from Johnny, too. That doesn't happen too often. 4 - Evil Socs - they will kind of disappear later, but there will be new evil baddies. 5 - I'm a favorite - now I'm blushing. Hope you liked this one. There's good stuff coming.  
  
Star Future - Glad you are loving it and glad you found the story. I like the sister stories too. I tired to make it different from all the others I've read, so thanks for the new twist comment. There're more surprises coming later. I have the whole end of the story written, I just have to get through the middle part now. 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 - Looking Back  
  
Disclaimer - I don't own or have any rights to The Outsiders.  
  
Soda's P.O.V.  
  
I jumped when the phone rang. It had been like this all week. I was about to go out of my mind with worry. I just couldn't believe that Ponyboy, Stephi, and Johnny weren't here. That Johnny could have killed somebody. Quiet little Johnny. Then, two days later, Sandy left. This had definitely been the worst week of my life. I wasn't sleeping. I couldn't concentrate on anything. My boss had sent me home early twice this week. That was worse than being at work, though. At home, all I could do was think about how empty the house was, even if Steve, Two-Bit, Dally, and Darry were all sitting in the room with me.  
  
Darry grabbed the phone before I could get to it. I watched his face for some sign of news. Please let it be Pony or Stephi. Please let it be anyone telling us where they are, that they are okay.  
  
"Hello?" he answered, his face tense and strained. "Are they okay?" his face more rigid than before. This was nerve-wracking. Then "Of course, we'll be right there." No change in his face at all. He was so good at hiding his feelings.  
  
He turned around to hang up the phone and turned back to me, the biggest, goofiest grin that I had ever seen emerged on his face. "They're here in Tulsa. They're at the hospital and they're gonna be okay."  
  
"Yipee!" I yelled, jumping off the sofa. Darry already had the keys to the truck and was halfway out the door. I ran after him.  
  
Darry stopped and threw me the keys. "Here, you drive. You'll get us there quicker."  
  
I got behind the wheel and took off. I don't remember the drive. I know I got there fast, but it seemed to take hours. I couldn't wait to see my brother and sister for myself and make sure they were really okay. I couldn't wait to take them back home.  
  
We got to the hospital and ran in through the front doors. Darry suddenly stopped, and I crashed into him. "I didn't even ask where they were," he said to me. We went over to the lady sitting at the reception desk and she pointed us in the right direction.  
  
I opened the doors leading to the emergency room hallway. I saw Ponyboy sitting on a chair, halfway down. I knew it was him even though he wasn't facing me and he had short blonde hair. I had been looking for that kid everywhere I went the last week - I would have been able to pick him out of a crowd of a thousand. He turned just then, and saw me. He leaped up and was in my arms before I could even move. I was so happy to see him. I swung him around and then set him down to get a good look at him. "Oh, Ponyboy, your hair. Your tuff, tuff hair."  
  
Ponyboy grinned at me, then looked to where Darry was standing. Darry had been watching us, his hands jammed into his pockets. He was holding back the tears that had been threatening to fall all week. "Ponyboy."  
  
Pony let go of me and stared at him for a minute. Oh god, please don't still be mad at Darry for hitting you, I thought to myself. Darry couldn't take it. The tears started to fall down Darry's cheeks, his eyes begging Pony to forgive him. Darry looked down at his feet and started to turn away. I was about to shove Ponyboy towards him, when Pony suddenly screamed "Darry" and ran towards him, almost knocking him over with the force of his hug. "Darry, I'm sorry."  
  
Just then, a door down the hallway opened. The three of us all turned at the sound of a high-pitched, "Oh!"  
  
Stephi ran towards us, tears streaming down her face. "Soda! Darry!"  
  
I reached her first, with Darry and Pony right behind me. The four of us stood there, in the middle of the hallway, sobbing and wrapped in a giant embrace.  
  
After several minutes of hugging and crying, Darry went off in search of the doctor who had treated Stephi and Ponyboy. He came back a few minutes later with the news.  
  
"The doc said that you guys are gonna be okay. You both inhaled a lot of smoke, but will be okay. Stephi, how did you get that cut on your head?"  
  
She looked puzzled. "I don't really remember." She turned to Ponyboy, looking for an answer.  
  
"At the park," he said. "She hit her head on a pole."  
  
Darry looked at Pony skeptically. "What." he started, but Ponyboy stopped him.  
  
"Darry, come 'ere," Pony said, standing up and pulling Darry over to the window. I stayed with Stephi on the bench, glancing over to the two of them to see what the conversation was about.  
  
"Stephi, you look tired," I said to her.  
  
"I am," she replied. "I just want to go home to my own bed."  
  
Just then, the cops came walking up, with a few reporters trailing behind. They went straight for Stephi. The big cop began to ask her a question, but Darry came over and pulled him aside. "She's been through a lot. Why don't you just talk to Ponyboy and us right now, leave her out of it."  
  
The cops and reporters were already bombarding Pony with questions. Darry pulled me aside and told me to watch Stephi and make sure no one bothered her. He told me some of what Pony explained to him about Stephi in the church. She certainly wasn't up to this circus. I decided I could help ease tensions by playing around with them. I pretended to be a reporter and interview the nurses. I slyly tried to lift the cop's gun. Anything to keep the mood light. I soon got bored with it. I didn't realize how tired I was until I sat back down.  
  
The reporters and cops began to leave. Stephi stretched out on the bench and put her head on my lap. She was asleep instantly. I put my head on Darry's shoulder and began to doze off. I heard Darry talking to Pony. "Soda and I had all these horrible thoughts running through our heads all week. I think I could have killed those Socs. Is Stephi really okay? She keeps saying she is, but.oh, I don't know. It's something in her eyes."  
  
"I don't know, Darry," he answered. "I really don't know. She didn't sleep all week. And I don't mean she didn't sleep well, I mean she literally didn't sleep until just today. She sat in the corner of the church most of the time, with her knees pulled in to her chest. She barely spoke to us and hardly ate anything. I tried to talk her into sleeping, but she kept saying that every time she closed her eyes, she could hear and see those Socs. They said some terrible things to her. I think she was scared and terribly homesick. Johnny and I were worried; we were thinkin' about trying to find a doctor for her. That cut on her head bled on and off for the first few days, that didn't help either."  
  
Poor babies, I thought to myself. Neither one of them deserved this. I couldn't believe what they had been through this week. I drifted off to sleep.  
  
Darry woke me about an hour later. He was tired of waiting. We were going to find out what was going on with Dally and Johnny. I gently shook Stephi, "Wake up, Stephers."  
  
After getting nowhere with the nurses, we found the doctor. Darry convinced him that we were the only family that Johnny and Dally had, and he finally told us what he knew. Dally had a pretty bad burn on his arm, but would be okay. It was Johnny we were worried about. When the doctor told us about his broken back and third-degree burns, Stephi's knees went weak and I caught her and held her. Darry's stony face just stared at the doctor and Pony went white. Darry put an arm around him and squeezed. Then, the doc told us he'd be crippled for life if he lived. That word, if, stopped me cold. I couldn't move. No, not Johnny. I couldn't imagine it. Stephi was crying and Ponyboy was trying not to.  
  
"We'd better go home," I heard Darry saying. He gave my arm a tug to get me moving. I kept my arm around Steph and we made our way out to the truck. I was so happy we were taking Pony and Stephi home, but couldn't smile for the life of me. Not after that news.  
  
We got the kids home and into bed. I collapsed onto the bed next to Pony, not even bothering to take off my shoes. I was asleep immediately.  
  
I was woken up by the slam of the front door and loud voices from the kitchen. Two-Bit and Steve. I put my pillow over my head to block out the noise. Then I heard Pony's voice and remembered - Pony and Stephi are home. I jumped out of bed and peeled off the clothes from last night, and searched through our closet for something clean. Finding nothing, I ran out into the living room. "Where's the blue shirt I washed yesterday?"  
  
Steve made some wise-ass comment about laws about wearing clothes to work. I looked at him and laughed. He was sprawled out on the floor - having been dropped there by Darry. Darry told me my clothes were ironed and in his closet. I headed back there and ran into Stephi. She was yawning and rubbing her eyes. When she moved her hands away from her face, she smiled and yelled, "Two-bit! Steve!"  
  
Two-Bit grabbed her in a bear hug and danced her around the room. "Hey, gorgeous. Your hair's gone, too."  
  
"I know," she replied. "Oh, I'm glad to see you guys." Steve picked himself up off the floor and gave Stephi a hug, too.  
  
I headed back to my room when Darry reminded me that I was going to be late to work. Steve followed me back.  
  
"It sure is good to see a smile on your face, buddy," he said to me. Steve had been there for me all week, and it had been a hell of a week. He was the best friend a guy could have. He listened to me all week, and kept the wisecracks to a minimum. That was over now, though, I realized after his next comment. "You get any cheesier and we're gonna have to slap you down on a burger."  
  
He just grinned. He was as happy as I was that they were back. I picked up Pony's pillow and threw it at him. He threw it back and a pillow fight had begun.  
  
After getting dressed for work, Steve and I headed back into the living room to share our plans for a celebration party for after the rumble.  
  
Pony turned to me. "You going to take Sandy to the party?"  
  
Sandy. He didn't know. I looked down at my feet and could feel my face getting red. Sandy had left. I had felt betrayed, but I told her I loved her anyway, and she still left. I thought she had loved me, too, but I was wrong. "No."  
  
"How come?" he asked.  
  
Steve jumped in, irritation in his voice. He was not happy with what Sandy had done, and had told me so several times this week. I defended her, but he didn't stand for it.  
  
There was a heavy silence in the room after that. Stephi stood up from the couch. "I'm gonna take a three hour bath." She left the room, stopping for a second to pat me on the shoulder.  
  
"We'd better get to work, Pepsi-Cola," Darry called to me. He turned to Pony. "I hate to leave the two of you hear by yourselves," he said, looking towards the bathroom where the water was already running.  
  
Two-Bit offered to baby-sit, which made Pony tackle him. Two-Bit had him down in a minute, telling him to holler uncle. He was squashing Pony. I was amazed. Pony was a tough kid, but he had no strength. Darry pulled him off and said, "Ponyboy, you take it easy today. Steph, too. Make sure she eats something today."  
  
"Sure Darry."  
  
Steve, Darry and I headed out the door to work.  
  
Thanks for reading and special thanks to:  
  
Dollwithouteyes - Sorry I missed you last chapter - for some reason your review didn't come to my mailbox. I'm glad you like the different character's POV. It's fun (and sometimes frustrating) to try and figure out what each one is thinking.  
  
Ski-Ming Bitch - I had a hard time with last chapter. I'm not sure I like how Johnny sounded either, but after fooling around with it for a few weeks I just wanted to be done with it. Aaagh. Hopefully it's more in tune with the characters in this chapter. Thanks so much for the good review - you keep me on my toes!  
  
Anon - I'm so glad you kept reading - it does start out like most of the other ones. Even more is in store, if I can just get through all the regular story and pick up with life after Dally and Johnny. That's where the changes really come. And - no offense taken - not every story is for everyone and it starts pretty routine.  
  
Pony's Girl - Me too - she needed it. Thanks for reading and reviewing.  
  
GirlsDontCri - Me too - I hated writing it, but had to. Ugh. Thanks though.  
  
Karlei - So glad you're reading, and more importantly, enjoying.  
  
Samara - So nice to hear from you. I wanted to keep the focus off Stephi and on how the guys deal with her situation (and future situations) - they never had to deal with "girl stuff" in the book.  
  
Two-BitGortez - Thanks so much for reading and reviewing - it's great motivation to keep going.  
  
ThuperJapanican - Thanks for joining in the reviews - yeah! Glad to hear from you. 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 - Looking Back  
  
Disclaimer - I don't own The Outsiders, or any of the characters in it.  
  
A/N - Sorry - mot much new in this chapter, but I couldn't just skim over the events.  
  
Ponyboy's P.O.V.  
  
Visiting Johnny and Dally that afternoon had been tough. On the way, we had a run-in with some Socs. Randy, the dark-haired one had wanted to talk to me. He really was an okay guy. We talked about Bob, Johnny, and the rumble tonight. He wasn't going to show, and I understood his reasons.  
  
We visited Johnny first. The doctors were right - he was in bad shape. I told him that Darry and I were going to be okay, and I could tell it made him happy. He was in pain and passed out cold before we were done visiting. Stephi began to cry, but Two-Bit and I pulled her out of there and into Dally's room.  
  
Dally was going to be okay. He was going to have to stay in the hospital for a few days, and his arm would be scarred for the rest of his life, but he was in good spirits when we visited. That all changed when we told him about Johnny. His mood instantly turned bitter. He asked for Two-Bit's black handled switch and we all got out of there pretty quick. No one wanted to mess with Dally when he was in a mood like that. He was dangerous.  
  
Cherry stopped us at the vacant lot on the way home. She had news about the rumble, and shared it with us. I was relieved to hear it was going to be a fair fight. It was good to see Cherry again. I had thought about her often while we were in Windrixville. She was a good person, someone I would like to be friends with. I just don't know if the world we live in would ever let us be friends.  
  
It was getting late when we got home. Darry had made chicken, but I wasn't all that hungry. I couldn't eat hardly any of it, and just ended up pushing it around my plate with my fork. Stephi didn't eat any either. As a matter of fact, she hadn't eaten anything since we'd gotten home, but no one seemed to notice. Everyone was too juiced about the rumble.  
  
I had a terrible headache, and was feeling kind of sick. I snuck some aspirin while Darry and Soda were doing the dishes. I jumped in the shower as Soda and Steve started a poker game. They were still playing when I got out, and Darry was cleaning up the kitchen. I looked around the room and realized the only other person who would be coming to join us was Two-Bit. I slumped into the armchair by the door.  
  
Darry looked at me just then. "Pony, I don't know if you ought to be in this fight."  
  
No, he can't do that to me. I have to fight. It was the only way I could think of to be better at than the Socs, and I wanted to whip those Socs. I pleaded and pleaded, and Soda and Stephi helped out my case.  
  
"Let him fight tonight. We all get tensed before a rumble. Skin never hurt anyone," Soda piped in.  
  
"Why don't you just stay here with Stephi?" Darry asked.  
  
Stephi, who had been sitting quietly on the couch all evening, piped in. "Darry, I'll be okay. You know I don't much care for fightin', but I want you to trounce those Socs more than anything, and you need him to help you do that."  
  
Darry finally relented, but made me promise to holler if I got into a jam. I agreed. Stephi stood up, stretched and headed out to the porch. Sitting on the front porch railing was Stephi's favorite place to think and daydream. She would sit out there in the heat of summer and in the chill of winter. We sometimes found her out there in the middle of the night when she couldn't sleep. At the front door, she paused and turned to us. "Please be careful."  
  
"Sure, baby," Darry replied, as she went out the door. Then he turned his attention back to me. More instructions about the rumble and using my head. He grabbed Soda and affectionately rubbed his head. "This is one kid brother who can use his head. At least for one thing - to grow hair on."  
  
Darry ducked Soda's swing and went flying out the door, almost running over Two-Bit, who had just arrived and was dancing Stephi across the porch. Everyone was outside in the yard, whooping and hollering, and doing cartwheels and flips and handstands. We were jazzed.  
  
As we headed out of the yard, Darry paused and looked back at Stephi, laughing at us from the porch. "Hey Stephers, don't hang out on the porch tonight. Wait inside for us to come back, okay?" Darry knew that Socs would be driving into our neighborhood, and if any of them saw Stephi sitting alone on the porch, well.  
  
"Sure, Darry. Kick some ass guys," and with that, she turned and headed for the front door.  
  
I about tripped over Soda on that one. Stephi doesn't usually curse.  
  
"Thanks," Two-Bit called. All the other chimed in their good-byes as well.  
  
I'll spare you all the details of the rumble for the highlights - Dally showed up and we won. The Socs ran. Somehow, that didn't make me feel as wonderful as I thought it would. I felt kind of empty, actually. I didn't have much time to think about it, though, Dally grabbed me by the shirt and tugged me towards home. "Come on! We're goin' to see Johnny."  
  
I tried to run, but stumbled. Dally shoved me along. "Hurry! He was getting worse when I left. He wants to see you and Stephi. Where is she?"  
  
"She's at home, waiting for us to come back."  
  
Dally burst through our front door calling Stephi's name. I staggered in a few seconds later. Dally was coming out of her bedroom. "Pony, she's not here."  
  
"She's not?" I asked, panic creeping into my voice. "Where could she be? Darry told her to stay." I noticed Dally had just grabbed a piece of paper off the kitchen table. He started reading aloud.  
  
Guys, Sorry, but I had to leave. I was going stir crazy thinking about you all at the rumble and Johnny and Dally at the hospital. I called a cab and used some of the money from the cookie jar to go see Johnny. I just have a strong feeling that I need to go there. I don't want him to be alone. I should have enough money for a cab back later. If not, I'll call. Please don't worry - I'll be home soon. I love you guys! Stephi  
  
He grabbed my arm and yanked me to the door. "Come on, let's go!"  
  
We hopped into Buck Merril's T-Bird and zoomed off towards the hospital. I closed my eyes as soon as I sat down in the front seat. I was aching all over. Some Soc had kicked me in the head, and I was nauseous, from the fight and from Dally's driving. He got pulled over by a cop, but convinced him to escort us to the hospital, saying I fell off my motorcycle. I felt like I had been run over by a motorcycle.  
  
Dally ranted on and on the whole trip. I couldn't really make sense of everything that he was saying. I was afraid he was losing it. When we finally got to the hospital, the doctor stopped us in front of Johnny's room. "I'm sorry boys, but he's dying."  
  
Dally flicked out Two-Bit's switch and told the doctor we were going in anyway. The doctor stepped aside. We both went into the room and stood in the doorway, trying to catch our breath. Stephi was sitting next to the bed, with her head down on the bed rail. She looked up at us when she heard our heavy breathing. Silent tears were streaming down her face. I could see it all in her eyes. He really was dying. It was awful quiet. I looked at Johnny. He was pale and very still. I had the thought that he was dead already, that we were too late.  
  
Dally advanced towards the bed, moving more gently than I had ever seen him move. Johnny stirred when Dally called his name. He struggled to speak when Darry told him about beating the Socs.  
  
"Useless.fighting's no good." He was awfully pale. I just stood at the edge of the bed, staring down at him. I wanted to tell him so much, but fear kept me voiceless. My eyes were burning, and my nauseous stomach heaved. Dally spoke again, telling Johnny that he was proud of him.  
  
Johnny's eyes glowed, and his body seemed to relax a bit. That was all he wanted in life, for Dally to be proud of him. A grin began to form at the corners of his mouth. He called to me. "Ponyboy?"  
  
I walked to the side of the bed and bent down towards him. "Stay gold, Ponyboy. Stay gold." The pillow seemed to sink a little, and Johnny died.  
  
I straightened up, but couldn't step away. Couldn't look away. No Johnny, please don't go. Dally's voice broke me out of my fog. He spoke to Johnny, but then turned, once again, his mood transformed in an instant. He balled his hand in to a fist and slammed it into the wall, cursing. Then, he bolted out the door and down the hallway.  
  
Stephi got up and started to go after him. I shook my head and pulled her into a fierce hug. She crumbled, sobs racking her body. I pulled her out of the room - I couldn't look at Johnny. We left the hospital, both of us in a daze. I'm still not exactly sure how long it took us to get home, but I remember some guy picking us up in his car and driving us there.  
  
I opened the front door and looked around the room. It was quiet - no party here. Darry, Two-Bit and Soda were taped up and bruised. Steve was lying on the couch, his side bandaged. He slowly opened his eyes and looked up at Stephi and I as Darry jumped up, on my case before I could even get two steps into the door. "Where have you been?"  
  
I couldn't answer; I didn't know what to say. He came towards us, but stopped, looking between Stephi and I. "What's the matter?" he asked.  
  
How could I do this? What could I say? I put no thought into it, it just spilled out. Johnny's dead. Dally's gone.  
  
No one moved. The silence in the room was chilling. Two-bit broke the silence, speaking what everyone else was feeling - even Dally has a breaking point.  
  
Darry came towards Stephi and I. She was shaking and backed away into a corner. "No," she said, shaking her head. "No."  
  
'No' what, I though to myself. The room was spinning. Darry turned to me, reaching out his had. "Don't touch me," I snapped. He turned to Soda, who was talking softly to Stehpi in the corner. Darry turned back to me.  
  
"Ponyboy." he pleaded. The phone rang. Darry hesitated, but then turned to answer it. He said nothing after hello, just listened for a few seconds then hung up. He turned back towards us. "Dally robbed the grocery store. He's headed to the park. We've got to hide him."  
  
We all took off for the vacant lot. We reached it at the same time as Dally and the same time as the cops. We watched from across the lot as Dally pulled his gun and aimed it at the cops. We were too far away to stop any of this. We helplessly watched as the police shot Dally. There was nothing we could do, but that's the way Dally wanted it. Nobody could stop Dally from getting what he wanted. We all knew that in the back of our minds, but no one wanted to believe it.  
  
Steve fell to his knees, and Soda rushed to his side. Stephi was staring across the lot to where Dally lay, the police surrounding him. Darry pulled her back and turned her around, so she couldn't see. She buried her head into his chest. Two-Bit punched the tree to his left, opening up the wound on his hand. He then sat on the curb, holding his bleeding hand and cursing. The world around me began to sway. I looked towards my family, and couldn't see a thing. I heard someone cry out, and for the second time in as many days, I fell into blackness.  
  
Thanks for reading. Special thanks for reviewing!  
  
Kate - Glad to have you aboard. The story will change once I get through the familiar book part - I just wanted to establish Stephi in the family. And, it should go quick - I have most of it written now.  
  
Samara - Me too, these two chapters were hard to write - especially this one. Thanks for reading.  
  
Anja - Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I hope you continue to like it.  
  
GirlsDontCri - Yay is right. Not after this sad chapter, though. Thanks!  
  
TwoBitGortez - Thanks much. Glad you are still liking the story.  
  
Ski-Ming Bitch - Glad you liked hearing from Soda - it's fun to get inside his head - there's lots of good stuff in there. I like writing Darry, too. You'll hear more from them soon. It's harder to write Ponyboy, because he was already written so well. Thanks! 


End file.
